Should the man cook?


Hi guys,

So I was discussing with a friend. She shared a rather interesting story with me and I’d like to share with you guys.

She has a very demanding 8am – 7pm job. It’s typical for her to come home knackered, more typical for her to go to bed without having dinner. This is her regular routine everyday of the week. Her boyfriend decided to come and spend the weekend with her (he has his key. She left work later than usual on Friday (the day her boyfriend arrived), already thinking to herself it’s going to be business as usual that is sleep without eating. She got home, ready to hit the bed when her boyfriend told her he had made dinner. She was shocked. Different things went through her mind – boys cook for their girlfriends? Boys cook?

She shared that story with and that birthed the thought behind this post – Should the man cook?

In a typical African home, it is considered a taboo for the man to be found in the kitchen. Even our president confirmed the cliché that the man is the head of the home when he said “my wife belongs in the kitchen and the other room”. But we are not on about “the other room” today. Let’s stick to the kitchen.

The question is – Is this cliché still valid? Shouldn’t we have moved on that stereotype?

I believe the man and the woman are supposed to complement each other in a relationship. The woman shouldn’t be seen as a “slave” rather as a helpmate. It’s the duty of the man to help out when he can. Remember the story above, ask yourself how delighted the girl would have felt with that gesture. I can bet she definitely holds him in a higher regard after that.

We need to move past the norm and treat our ladies right. Every relationship is tailored differently. Communication is a major factor in relationships. If you don’t want your man to make your meals, talk about it. If you don’t mind him doing the cooking, talk about it but don’t take the privilege for granted and forget you should be doing more of the cooking. He’s there to assist you not replace you in doing your duties.

So, guys, what do you think? would you cook for your woman? Also, do you think cooking duties amongst working class duties should be delegated to whoever gets home first?

Share your comments below.

 

23 Replies to “Should the man cook?

      1. A woman is not born with a cooking gene. For you to say “you should be doing most of the cooking” and “he is there to assist you and not replace you in your duties” is highly flawed.

        Cooking is a skill that both women and man should have in order to take care of themselves

        Society has created these gender roles that we need to stop re-enforcing. No one is saying one shouldn’t cook, but stop placing the burden and expectations on a woman.

    1. I totally agree with xo. Cooking is NOT a woman’s duty. It might have been in times past when only the man was working but why should a working woman alone be responsible to cook and clean? She can cook for herself, she doesn’t need to do so for anyone else. Keep yourself alive and fed is your own duty as an adult. Not your mom’s, your sister’s or your wife’s.

      1. Hi.

        I appreciate your comment. However, I did hint in the last paragraph that where both parties are working, cooking duties could be delegated and shared between each other. I never said it’s on the woman to cook everytime even though she works.

        Thank you for feedback. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

  1. Yass new post! I don’t mind traditional gender roles like the woman cooking but what would personally make me happy in a relationship is the guy assisting like you said. So a 70% me and 30% him type of thing. Some people are happy with a 50/50 or even the man cooks all the time. It all depends on the relationship dynamic and what works for them. Great post!

    Pearl || http://thepearlylife.com

  2. Yass!!! I totally support. Anybody can cook. But, we shouldn’t throw away the fact that the woman owns the kitchen. But, the man should help her out once in a while. On whoever gets home first should cook; I don’t totally support. A woman is supposed to be versatile “all round”. She should make provision in case she is too busy. Meanwhile, the man can support any other day. #thumbsup

    1. Lol. So me and my husband are both working a 9-5 job and I should be the only one to re-arrange and be an “all rounder”

      Do you understand how problematic this view is. Placing the burden on one person. This takes a toll on the woman physically and mentally.

      She is not a maid.

      1. I didn’t imply she is a maid. If you read the last paragraph, I clearly asked if cooking duties should be delegated between the man and woman based on who comes home first.

        The woman makes the home. She shapes it. It’s also the duty of the man to assist in whatever way possible and in this writeup, I clearly emphasised men should assist with cooking.

      2. Perception is everything. You and your husband working 9-5 job? You’ll still have to cook. But, he could help out if you’re too tired to do anything. Making everything 50/50 causes more problems, than accepting your responsibility.

  3. @xo I don’t think this post was written to make women appear as slaves. I mean, this post was written by a woman. Let’s forget modernisation and ‘feminism’, women cook. Yes, men cook also but it’s kind of like part of a woman’s responsibility. The writer is on your side. She’s saying men need to chip in once in a while and also assist their women. I think you should read the post again and understand the writer’s view.

    Regards.

  4. The fact that it was written by a woman does not make it any less problematic. Women also participate in misogyny and champion prescribed gender roles, which this post and your reply is doing by saying that cooking is “part of a woman’s responsibility”

    And by saying this “If you don’t mind him doing the cooking, talk about it but don’t take the privilege for granted and forget you should be doing more of the cooking” you are enforcing said gender roles, stating that it is a “privilege” for the man to cook in the first place and as such, placing the burden and responsibility of cooking mostly on the woman.

    1. Thanks for this response. It’s highly appreciated.

      However, the thought process behind this writeup is to reinforce the fact that whatever the duty is, it should be a collective effort between the man and the woman. My belief is cooking is a responsibility of the woman. This does not in any way say I’m asking men to use women as slaves. I’m saying in relationships, communication is everything and how person A runs his/her relationship is quite different from how person B runs his.

      So, my opinion is this, I’d gladly cook for my man but I’d also want him to respect me by chipping in when he can.

  5. I find this very interesting and my only input is that from the what you wrote “COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER”
    Moving forward, the 70/30 or 50/50 ratio can also be difficult.
    Another question is, did she end up cooking? your friend who is tired and still goes to the kitchen to cook knows why and what she gets from the man, so looking beyond the “cooking” is also key, which takes me to my point.

    1- We all need to understand that every relationship is different:
    women are worse than men for building an image in the head of the way every man should act or look like and so away you go sculpting, molding and comparing

    2- Another scenario: Your husband goes all out creating everything from scratch making amazing and complex dishes, but he leaves a trail. I am not just talking about a few dishes here and there. I am talking about a sink full of dishes, dishes all over the counter, food on the floor, the counters covered in a sauce of some kind, the top of the oven covered in food particles… it looks like he got into a fight with the kitchen and the kitchen won. Whereas you are the OCD type, in this relationship the woman would appreciate the cooking skills but If she wants to save time in the kitchen the best way to do that is to cook herself.
    So yeah. Understanding + Sensitivity + Compromise.

    Ps: I am a guy and I love to cook, in fact, I will indulge my “wife” with food, however, what if she loves to cook like me?

  6. Hello,
    I believe cooking is a SKILL, it is learnt. I do believe that if women are supposedly meant to be the prior cookers of the household, there’s a particular way the food would look or always taste but that’s not so. Men have the ability to cook like women and even better but it is suppressed because it is one of the roles that defines the female sex especially in NIGERIA. Some men love to cook, some women love to cook as well, some men don’t like cooking, some women don’t like cooking either. Marriage is two people coming together to become one, where whoever is better as something takes the lead or perhaps direct that ship(relationship). Men and women are only different in genitals, that means what a man can do a woman can do and vice versa, if women and men were made for particular tasks by God, I believe we would be able to see it in our physical features. In conclusion, there should be a balance in things, as long as you bring something to the table, that’s all that matters, lets not create problems that are not even problems. Thank you

    1. Thank you Ajisin. I totally agree with you. Every relationship is different. And as I also pointed out, both parties are supposed to complement each other. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  7. we in the tech world now. Both man and woman are meant to cook in absence of each other and also in presence if needs arises. WOMEN ARE NOT SLAVES. Fine its a woman work to do it but not all the time. Men we are to help always. Men should cook also.

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